I ran my second – and fastest – marathon. Never say never, but I anticipate it will be my second, fastest, and last marathon. […] Did you ever run a race that made you think, “Hey, I think I could be satisfied with that performance forever!”?
My one year anniversary of the Blackwood Marathon came and went without much ceremony or notice.
Granted, I was working the Show, and it was busy, and I did mention on a few occasions, “I wasn’t here last year because I was doing the Blackwood,” a few times, and yet I can honestly say that it felt so long ago and so far away that it didn’t strike me as something to reminisce about. Maybe it was just because it was so busy?
The post above, from Caitlyn at Healthy Tipping Point, reminded me. I was like “Oh yeah! A year ago I completed a 5 leg marathon despite the fact that when I started training I thought I couldn’t run more than a few meters without pain, had no pool to swim in, and no kayak or water to train on, no hills to cycle over, and an un-tried off-track race horse that I wasn’t 100% sure about.”
Now, thinking about it, I can remember the work put into it, the sense of achievement and joy of accomplishing it. The shine didn’t wear off for a month! It was the greatest physical achievement of my life, and yet, now, I feel detached from that success and joy.
Maybe I got too far from that success? I haven’t accomplished anything anywhere close in the last year. Maybe I need a booster shot of feeling like “I’M FRICKIN AMAZING!” to remember how great it felt?
Maybe this year was a bit too plain after all that. What were the highlights of the year from November 2010 to now?
- I relished in the success and took some time off to decide what’s next
- I celebrated Christmas with the rellies and didn’t hate Christmas! (This was awesome, in fact, but involved little in the way of accomplishment and success.)
- Trip to Canada! (Of course, this was brilliant! But again, I didn’t really accomplish any goals… I mean, I visited my family, that was what I was there to do, I don’t want to take away from that… I’m rambling…)
- I then came home and flitted around again, looking for my voice and my purpose and a goal that wanted to stick
- And I worked and worked and worked and wondered who I was and how to lead and what to do and …
Ended up here, a year later, feeling all too flat and serious about life.
I noticed today that sometimes I feel like I’m smiling, but my mouth doesn’t actually make a smile. I’m noticing this more because I am trying to smile more. I am trying to do one small thing at a time. I am simplifying. Is this what I’ve been reduced to? Going from running a multi-leg marathon to trying to smile?
Maybe LESS is the opposite of what I need to do? Maybe I need to start eating the elephant? From my childhood I can remember this little ditty:
“Bite off more than you can chew, then chew it. Plan out more than you can do, then do it. Build your castle in the air, then make a ship to take you there.”
I don’t think this post is going anywhere, it’s just another musing, another “woe is me” kind of post, but I keep coming back here because things aren’t sitting right! I don’t feel the drive and vive and zest I want!