Jumbled Up

I have a lot on my mind. I have a lot going on, and I think I have a lot to say, but it’s all jumbled up.

In no particular order, things on my mind:

I’ve been dealing with the shift, once again, from a positive to a negative mind-set. I could feel the frustration coming at work on Friday, the desire to lash out rising in me again, and I didn’t like it, so have been reflecting on trying to get back to that quiet calm me.  I had been feeling really mellow, in control, relaxed.  Yes, relaxed is the right word.  No matter how busy I was, I didn’t feel stressed, rushed or panicked. It was nice. I did some NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) with a friend a few weeks ago, and although it seemed a little corny, and was sometimes confronting, it did really level a few things out in me mentally and emotionally.  Seems I might be in need of a ‘touch up’ or something.

And I’ve been looking around at my house, wondering when I did dishes last, or went for groceries last and can’t help but wonder what I’ve been doing this last week!  Despite writing down a little bit of a daily note that I post up as my weekly update, and reflecting on what I have done for workouts each day, I haven’t felt like I’ve actually been all that busy. So where has my time gone?  Why do I have dishes filling the entire kitchen counter?  Why didn’t I notice that we were running out of bread? How come I haven’t cooked my chilli chicken yet?  What are we going to eat?  You can’t tell that I washed the floors, and the pile of clean laundry on the couch is starting to get worn, which means that the pile of dirty laundry in the basket is growing!  Ah, the never-ending house work problem.

I know some of this stress and delay comes from the fact that I haven’t had running water three mornings this week – the pipes have frozen solid! But that shouldn’t stop me from doing dishes once they thaw and I get home from work.  But I’ve come home from work so tired I’ve gone nearly straight to bed! I have had pretty productive days, and they have been pretty full, and have often had to spend an extra hour or so at work for various reasons this week.  But I am often leaving in the cold and dark and/or returning in the cold and dark. Maybe the cold just makes me want to hibernate?

I have also felt the frustration of having an unfinished house rear its ugly head again and again.  Since the weather turned it has highlighted the many faults of our home. No insulation, missing cladding on the exterior wall, exposed water pipes, and heat escaping through the gaps in the floors. I know house are built for summers and not winters here in Australia, but it is very annoying to have to wear layers inside, which can be removed once outside.  It is frequently several degrees warmer outside than in!  Not a nice feeling to a Canadian, who always wants to feel comfortable inside!

And I have been missing my family. My sister is building her house and both Mat and I wanted to be there to help her, and it’ll be all done and dusted before we even get close to Canada again. I miss my Mom and grandparents.

My workouts have been going reasonably well.  I have been disappointed with my arm injury, but am quite content to work around it and prevent further damage. I was sad to have a hurt horse, but he seems much better today!  I am really wanting to go to Bunbury to buy my bike toys so I can enjoy riding my bike again!

Mat and I have been working so much we hardly see each other, and we’re both so exhausted, we barely speak.  Or when we speak, we’re both focused on our own problems – we frequently have what I think of as parallel conversations: he talks about the header front he’s working on and I talk about the horse’s leg; he talks about the price of shipping steel rod from Perth, and I talk about how the person who booked that big event kept changing their mind, and so on.

Today, Saturday, after working for only 4 hours, I came home so tired I needed a 2 hour nap!  I just feel I should be able to do better, to do more.  You know?

I will probably feel better if I knock a few things off my to-do list. So, where to start on that list of mine?
– Horse ride
– Run
– Dishes
– Floors
– Laundry
– Balance Training
– Groceries (can’t be done until Monday morning now, everything closes after 1pm on a Saturday – welcome to Oz!)
– Cook
– Mow the lawn (weeds)

Despite the lovely weather outside, I think I am going to start with dishes. They are a constant nagging reminder… they make me feel … hmmm … mismanaged?  That’s the best I can put it.

I might try mowing the lawn and then just a 10 minute bareback ride on TK before the dark falls. I only have about 2 hours of light left.  I can run tomorrow, and hopefully I am full of vigour then!

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